cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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