Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
