his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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