he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
