You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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