your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
