Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
