If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
