just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
