He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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