You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
