Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
