i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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