so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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