i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
