i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
