My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
