I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
