im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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