Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
