I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
