got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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