Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
