My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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