lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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