I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize