so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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