We named our party play list daddy issues
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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