i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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