So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
