My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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