She said her name was "party"
it hurts more in the daytime
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
