I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
