i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
