My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
