Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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