Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
