he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
