I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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