I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
