moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
