I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
