Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
