are you so shy because you have an std?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
