she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
