WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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