What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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