FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
