help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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