we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
