Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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