i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
