dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
