remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I love you. Go after that dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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