i may or may not be watching the land before time
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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