As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
