false alarm. still invincible.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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