i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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