Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
