Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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