Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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