went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
