Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
